Placing mother and daughter relationships into one category isn’t an easy task. Many factors go into a mother and daughter relationship. Some may characterize these relationships into three categories: symbiotic, chaotic, or nonexistent. My relationship with my youngest daughter falls into the nonexistent category because my daughter erased me from her life.
From the moment my youngest daughter entered this world, I was in awe of her. She was my third and only child that I bonded with immediately after birth.
Early on, I knew she was a charmer. Her willingness to assist with a bright, cheery smile got me every time. I admit that I doted on her.
When she desired something, I made a way to get it for her. Luckily, she didn’t ask for things that were expensive. She took care of her things and creatively made her own style. I allowed her to embrace her individuality.
Cracks in our relationship started to show when her absentee father reappeared in her life when she was thirteen. This forced me into dealing with teen rebellion and the ghost of a man who didn’t provide financial support for over nine years.
While he avoided his financial parental responsibility, I found myself with a daughter torn between a man wreaking havoc on a woman who left him and a mother who’s trying to keep everything under control.
Her emotions were stretched. She threatened suicide on a few occasions. I took her to psychologists, psychiatrists, and mental institutions. We even had in-house therapy sessions. None of these actions resulted in a diagnosis.
When she was fifteen, her rebellion reached a fever pitch. I enlisted one of my sisters to take her in for a period of time. It was a difficult decision. However, my daughter idolized my sister. And I had tried everything to keep her under my roof.
Forgiveness Amid Uncertainty
My daughter decided to come back home for her senior year of high school. Despite feeling conflicted, I welcomed her with open arms. I forgave her disrespectful prior actions and made myself see her through a new light.
Soon afterward, her mask came off. She wasn’t threatening suicide. However, she made snide remarks and attempted to take advantage of her siblings and others who came into her path.
As she approached eighteen and her high school graduation, I informed her that she needed to find somewhere else to live. She accepted that and made her plans to leave.
It was painful ordering her to leave. When she left, I felt it was the right decision and that God would watch over her.
After everything I went through with my daughter, I love her deeply. However, I don’t trust her because of my experiences with her.
She’s attractive, intelligent, and conniving. My daughter would only contact me when she wanted something. And I complied.
However, I put my foot down when she spewed lies and hatred about her siblings and me. I refused to be a participant in her mind games.
When she mentioned moving back home, I wasn’t amused. She thought she’d move back and bring her drama with her. I told her no. No wasn’t the correct answer.
My daughter unleashed a treasure trove of lies and told me I would never see her again. She said that she’d tell everyone that her parents died together when she was young. Wow. Therefore, my daughter erased me from her life.
She may have mentally erased me from her life. However, the truth remains and can’t be altered.
One day she may pencil me back into her life. And my love will accept her. I forgive her for her scattered thoughts and wish only the best for her.
Almost Two Years Later
Sometimes time can bring about change. However, change doesn’t always take place. My daughter reached out to me in January 2020. She begged me to come back home. Part of me didn’t want her back and the other part of me knew that she was my daughter and I couldn’t abandon her.
I put aside her past deeds and gave her another chance. At first, it seemed to work out. Then her nasty attitude came out. This caused me to regret letting her back into my life.
She spewed such nasty unwarranted words and accusations against me. I dare not repeat them here. What I will say is that she didn’t change her ways. The only thing that changed was her age. My daughter erased me from her life again.
To protect my mental health and peace of mind, I told her she had to go. It broke my heart but I had to do it. Even though she’s my flesh and blood, I couldn’t allow her to disrupt my life. I had to release her from my mind and keep my love for her in my heart.